Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
