I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
