How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
