You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
