Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
