I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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