Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
