i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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