i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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