We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize