I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
