Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The ass gains better be worth it
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