I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
