Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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