he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
