New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
