I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
