I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
