i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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