And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
