I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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