Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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