who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
