can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
