You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
