please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize