Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
