the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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