i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize