It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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