she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize