The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
