So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
