Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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