you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize