Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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