I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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