If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
