I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
