I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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