dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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