he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
