The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just high enough for therapy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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