I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
