the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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