Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize