do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
