Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
