The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
