i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
