piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
