Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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