i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
