he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
