I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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