I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
