dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
