Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
