I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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