I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
