i permit you to call me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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