Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize