He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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