You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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